I listened to a Podcast this morning on my way to work (well it's a sermon, but "podcast" sounds cooler) by Rob Bell of Mars Hill Church . . . He talked about a bunch of really cool stuff, and it has all been resonating through me all day.
Posting to this blog has been harder than I thought it would be -- it's been so long since I've really written anything, and even longer since I connected to my own heart (something I'm just re-learning how to do). It's a lot like trying to dig a well: I know there's water there, I've drank from it before and it was refreshing and sweet. But it's hard work digging deep enough to tap into that "wellspring" of life. Sometimes I find myself getting close, knowing that I will hit water in the next few digs -- but I stop myself because it's painful and a little scary (what happens if it's too much water and it drowns me? or if it hurts my heart to keep digging at it like this?!)
Anyways, all this to say that I've been thinking about my future and where the Lord is leading me. I've always had all these grand plans for my life (because I'm "smart" - whatever that means) But lately I'm not so sure of my big plans -- I'm learning that God wants me to take it one step at a time - to trust Him that He knows exactly where I am and where I'm going. He even says He has plans for me - plans including prosper and not harm . . . so why is that so hard to believe? Why do I constantly want to work out my five-year plan (marriage, dog, house, kids . . . all wrapped up nicely with great friends and a fantastic job)?
I was reminded by Rob Bell this morning that God likes to provide for us TODAY. When the Isrealites were in the desert, they were only allowed to collect enough manna to last them for one day. And when the Lord was guiding them (for 40 years remember?) He went ahead of them as a pillar of fire. When He stopped, they stopped - and when He moved, they followed. I've heard this story hundreds (well close at least) of times, and I've always just wished that I could see God that clearly - see where He's going and where He's taking me. But when I stop and think about the implications of what life must have been like for the Isrealites following this pillar of fire, I am convicted that my own life seems sadly "faith-less" in comparison. Think about it: they had to be willing to follow God anywhere, to pack up and leave - even if they had already pitched a sweet tent and made it all "homey" What would it look like for me to follow God anywhere - no matter how comfortable I am where I'm at (even in my brand new house?!) What does it look like to follow a God who is unpredictable, scary-powerful, and who only shows you one step at a time? I want that kind of faith. . . and I think one of the keys is being completely unwilling to be where God's NOT. In other words, when the pillar moves - I'm going to follow, even if it goes somewhere I dont necessarily want to go - because I'm learning that it's better to be somewhere hard if God's presence is there, than to be somewhere comfortable without Him. . .