If you ask me how I'm doing today, I cannot tell you "fine." Fine is how I usually answer regardless of how I'm actually feeling. Not because I don't want to be real, but because I'm afraid that no one likes a complainer. Sometimes if I'm feeling cheeky or brave, I might say "oh I'm ok." But the truth is that today? I don't feel even ok. My oma passed away on Monday, and I was supposed to drive with my mom and sisters to Michigan on Tuesday for the funeral. But I started feeling a little nauseous while packing Mon night, and figured it was just because I had eaten four slices of pizza and 3 (oh ok 5) chocolate cookies. I dont eat my feelings or anything. So I decided to hit the hay and wake up early to pack before we left.
However, I was unable to sleep due to all the aching muscles and shivering. Oh and vomiting. Lots of vomiting, even once the stomach was empty. So after maybe 20 minutes of sleep all night, I woke up feeling just as crappy as the night before and knew I wouldn't be able to spend 13 hours in the car driving to Michigan. I was, understandably, bummed about it. As much as I dreaded going to a funeral, I felt like it was an important step for me in getting closure, especially since my grandfather (on the other side of the fam) passed away just a few months ago and I was unable to attend his funeral either.
I spent the next two days in bed. And as of an hour ago, I still haven't kept any food down. On the bright side, maybe I'll finally lose some of that baby weight that's stubbornly hanging around. Luckily, my sweet husband watched Jayci the first day and then my dear friend Courtney took her for the whole day today. I feel awful for so many reasons right now, and one of them is that I feel like a terrible mom because I enjoyed being kid-free. I know that this does not make me a horrible mom, and that my emotions CANNOT be relied on during my best days, let alone on days when I'm sick and mourning the loss of my grandmother.
I don't have anything profound, or even uplifting to share. I just wanted to be real with y'all and tell you just how crappy things are right now. Any prayers you have would be much appreciated! :-)
As a side note, I cannot thank-you enough for all your encouragement and prayers on my last post. It helped more than you can know!