Needless to say, it has not snowing here right now. It's actually BEAUTIFUL and warm outside - I love it! I took Jayci for a 45 minute walk yesterday because it was so pretty out. Well it was pretty, but because she fell asleep and I just kept walking until she woke up. Lets be honest, I'll take naps however I can get them with this little one!
But one of my favorite times when we lived in Canada were those days when the giant snowflakes were falling quietly; softly and gently blanketing the world in white silence. I remember how quiet it got most of all: oh how I miss that beautiful peacefulness. But that's not what I'm talking about today - It was what I did the NEXT day after all that snow fell. Remember now: when I lived in Canada, I was in elementary school (and did not have, exactly, what they would call sparkling social skills so school = not so fun for me). Anyways, I would wake up that next morning, and leave my jammies on while we flipped channels on our TV, looking for the much-anticipated 'school closing announcement' (And by flipped channels I mean turned the giant knob to find a channel that displayed something other than static - we've always been a little behind the times on the whole technology thing).
I remember sitting in the window seat, surrounded by swirling snow, praying fervently: "please God, please please please let school be canceled. If you give me a snow day, I'll do anything - I'll pray more and even maybe be nicer to my sisters."
And when Kilbride Public School failed to show up on the list of closed schools? Well, naturally, I got angry. Really angry. Frustrated that God thought so little of my pleas, wondering if He was even listening at all (I am not, ahem, the most rational person all the time - it was just a SNOW DAY for crying out loud!)
But yesterday I realized that most of my prayers these days sound a lot like those early morning prayers from so long ago. Except now in the early mornings, I am begging God to "Please let Jayci fall asleep, she needs to sleep Lord, and I need to sleep too." Then I will gingerly lay her down (don't wake it or anger it!) in her crib, only to watch her eyes pop open and the crying ensue.
Unfortunately, my reaction has felt much the same as it did when there was no snow day. Anger, frustration and borderline despondency. Yes, I am tired, but that is simply no excuse. By now, I know my heavenly Father much better than I did back then. I KNOW that He loves me and knows what is best for me. So maybe He has something else for me? Plus, what kind of "relationship" is it if all I do is beg him for a little sleep every now and then?
I was reminded by my sweet friend Megan that maybe God wants to use my hours of sitting in a quiet room during the night and early morning for something bigger. So I've decided to spend more time talking to Him and memorizing scripture, and enjoy a little bit of special "Me, Jayci, and Jesus time." Of course, I can't promise I will always be alert enough to remember to be thankful for the time God's given me, and I can't promise that I won't be angry that I only got a few hours of sleep and NO nap. And, heaven knows, I can't promise that I won't be uttering a few more "PLEASE let her sleep" prayers. But I want to remember what a blessing this time with my sweet girl is. After all, it won't be long before she doesn't need me to feed her in the middle of the night anymore, and then I will have to find another time in my busy day to spend time both with my sweet girl and with my sweet Savior.