Monday, April 20, 2009

Um, She Can Sit Up On Her Own?

This morning I, unfortunately, was forced to run several errands. One of which was a trip to BJ's to purchase formula for Jayci. While there I ran into a rather eager mom carrying her cute little one in a fancyee sling. She asked how old my little one is, I smiled with pride and informed her that sweet Jayci is 7 months old (seriously?! already!?)

"Oh mine is 7 months old too!" She exclaimed with great excitement. "She crawls and walks and talks." She gushed on. "Just the other day, she said 'I want my bottle' and she walks a few steps every single day! Can you believe she knows how to open draws and cupboards too?! It's amazing, just amazing!" . . . I smiled politely, not sure how to respond to her exuberance. I felt slightly skeptical about her 7 month old speaking in complete sentences and running marathons but whatever.

And then it happened. She asked me: "What is yours doing?"

"Uh" I fumbled for a moment before responding that "she can sit up on her own?" That lady looked at me like my poor little girl was doomed for straight D's and auto mechanic classes . . .

Now I dont share this story because I am in any way worried about Jayci's development. She is bright and happy and aware and clearly just fine (besides with parents like us, she is obviously going to be ABOVE average ha). But I have been thinking all day about one of the most dangerous traps that women especially seem to fall into time and time again.

It's the trap of comparison. I mean, if we can't compare bikini bodies anymore (because I can pretty much guar-antee I have LOST that battle), then we should compare what cars we drive, what our houses look like, and (worst of all) what kind of parents we are. Or how our kids are performing. It never ends.

This is, quite honestly, one of my biggest struggles. I am SO bad about comparing myself to others, and it's a losing battle. What do I hope to accomplish by "winning' in these comparisons? Clearly nothing is won. Besides pride and a sense of self-worth which is based on fleeting standards which, when I think about it, don't mean much of anything at all.

As a mother, I am praying daily that Jayci will find her identity in Christ. That she will know, beyond any shadow of a doubt, that she is LOVED by her father and I. That she will know that WHO SHE IS is far more important than what she does or (especially!) what she looks like. If she can learn even from a young that it doesnt matter if she doesn't meet the world's standards of success and importance, then she will be leaps and bounds ahead of her mama in maturity and contentment. . .

26 comments:

  1. That is my struggle too. I frequently remind myself that my value is in Him and I'm the apple of His eye! I know you are grounding her in Truth and she will know that too.

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  2. That drives me crazy too!!! Thanks for stopping by and your sweet comment! Have a great week!

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  3. I've heard so many people doing that to other babies & mommies... every child is on their own timing! The doctor even told my daughter that my grandbaby is so far behind on talking - he's not saying anything yet & he's 18 months... he gets his point across - so why bother talking? He's so smart though - & now, the doc just made everyone worry. Stupid comparisons!!! Your child is perfect - all you need to know! :o)

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  4. Hi Becca! I just found your blog through your facebook page and have LOVED reading it. I love your writing style and just adore your gorgeous baby girl. Can't wait to meet her, hopefully someday soon.

    I definitely know how the kid-comparison game goes. Having Brennan has taught me to focus on him and his strengths and abilities without even thinking of comparing him to anyone. He has also reinforced for me that what really matters for him (and all of our kids) is that he is happy and he is loved. Jayci is obviously VERY happy and VERY loved - so you're doing a great job!!!!

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  5. Got a good chuckle out of this and then a good lesson at the end. It is so easy to fall prey to the comparison bug. My older sister's son was born 2 weeks before my daughter...talk about a potential nightmare. Then we realized our kids are good at different things. Mine is still in diapers, he is potty trained. I can sleep at night. :) You seem like such a neat woman. I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog.

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  6. Wow, what does it say to you about the way that other woman was just searching for someone to talk to. We all struggle with comparisons, but we learn in the end none of that really matters. Great little post!! Keep them coming.

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  7. Girl, this was GREAT!!!! What a lesson to be learned by all of us to not compare!!! Thank you for this!!

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  8. Your comment about auto mechanic class cracked me up! You're too funny!

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  9. I think every single mom out there can relate to this story. It's happened to all of us in one way or another and it's ridiculous!
    I also find it hard to believe that her seven month old said, "I want a bottle" and is 'running marathons' lol!

    Great story, thanks for sharing.

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  10. This is a great post! And I totally agree. Thanks for the reminder!!

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  11. Amen and Amen....I have to fight that panic even as my kids are older when I hear about what everyone else's third grader is doing.

    We are on our own pace. Repeat after me....

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  12. You're a bigger person than I. I totally would have given that chick an eye roll and a sarcastic smile.

    Moving right along though...

    Your last paragraph was so well spoken/written. You're an awesome mom.

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  13. Honestly I think she was fibbing alittle :)

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  14. Oh, my, I struggle with this in a big way. And I feel so bad because it's not only a reflection of how I feel about me, but now I'm letting it show how I feel about my daughter! As if I don't think she's good enough!

    But I do. She is perfectly and wonderfully made, and she is a true miracle. And I love her to pieces.

    No matter how she stacks up to other babies her age.

    Good post. And a good reminder that it's never to early to pray and hope for our daughters to find their identities in Christ, instead of how they compare to others.

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  15. Oh you are so right on with this one, my friend. This was a great post!

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  16. I am new to your blog. Thank you for visiting mine and for your kind comment. I have an 11 month old and the majority of my friends also have 10 to 11 month olds. Talk about comparison city! The woman in the grocery store sounds a little suspicious to me... Your daughter is beautiful and beautifully made. No other baby will ever be like her and she will never be like another baby. God made her the way He wants her to be and that's a gift in itself. I really appreciate this post. I know that I also struggle with this. It does take prayer and effort to ignore the temptation to compare, but it is worth the contentment and peace of knowing that she is one of a kind!

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  17. We women are gluttons for punishment, aren't we? I love my pediatrician, everything we do, is the "right" thing, for us. Every milestone she hits, she hits at the "right" time, for her. I can tell you, she was definitely exagerating ;)

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  18. I am a commenting fool on your blog today! Love this post and am bookmarking it as a reminder for me when I'm tempted to compare!

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  19. Love this - can see myself easily spending lots of time reading your blog posts. Thank you for your sweet comment on my post yesterday! I'm so glad you were blessed by it.

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  20. Amen sista! Wow! what an evil trap satan tries to set for us, and we oh so often fall face first into it! i can totally identify. addie is 13 months plus, and according to everyone around me, should have been walking by now! does she care? i dont think so! do i? i'm working on it! but she sure is happy and content with crawling faster than some people walk! i just have to keep reminding myself that my self worth isnt wrapped up in anything that i or my child do or dont do but rest in His security alone!

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  21. So glad you figured this out EARLY! I had a "friend", we had boy 6 weeks apart... & it was NON STOP ...look at ALEX.. bla bla bla..

    Enjoy E V E R Y moment... your daughter will walk & talk & be just fine... (I know you know that...) -just saying : )

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