Wednesday, September 16, 2009

For Jayci, With Love

Dearest Jayci,

Well today's the day. One year ago we were waking up wondering what your little face was going to look like and who you were going to be.
A year later, I am blown away by all the ways that God has used you to grow me, to change me, to mold me into a better person: a more appreciative wife, a kinder sister, a more patient friend, a wiser mentor . . . Every single day, I learn more from you about God's love for me than I ever knew before the day I first held you in my arms.
I can't wrap my mind around the fact that you are ours. Well, truth be told, we know beyond a shadow of doubt that you belong to the Lord. But we are so grateful and amazed that He has entrusted us with such a beautiful daughter.
You woke up just a few minutes ago (you must have known it was your birthday!) and I rocked you back to sleep in the sweet silence of your room, wondering how you got so big that you hardly fit in my arms anymore. I remember so many nights I spent with you in the brown suede rocker: feeding you, rocking you, praying over you. I (almost, maybe a little) miss our special time together, alone in the darkness at all hours of the night and morning.
I know you will not remember this year, so I wanted to share a few of the things I wish you could remember, and things I never want to forget:
-The look of joy that lights up your face at all your accomplishments: the first time you rolled over, sat up, crawled, pulled yourself up to stand . . .
-How much you loved being at camp, even being passed around to all the kiddos!
-Your obsession with all animals: "doggie" was your first word after "dada" (which I think is every child's first word)
-How crafty you are in your avoidance of eating anything that isn't sweet. You are your father's daughter.
-Speaking of that, you are absolutely enamored with your daddy right now. I love seeing you two together, it melts my heart.
-Your personality: You are so outgoing, a little social butterfly who loves being the center of attention and hates missing out on anything.
-How easygoing and flexible you are. We always tell people that it's a combination of your personality and us dragging you everywhere.
-Everywhere we go, people come up to us and tell us how beautiful, sweet and wonderful you are. As if we didn't know that!
Most of all, I want you to remember how LOVED you are. Your daddy and I love you so much! If you could remember your first year of life, I would want you to remember all the times we rocked you to sleep. The days when we laughed and played and even danced. The times we walked back and forth down the road at camp, and the times we swam and splashed in the hot sun. I want you to remember how much I love you, and how hard I am trying to be a good mom to you, even when I have no clue what I'm doing (which hello? is pretty much all the time). When you're a teenager, and you hate my guts or think I'm out to ruin your life, I want you to remember the times you reached for me, or climbed in my lap to hear a story. Or held my fingers as I helped you walk.
But as hard as it is for me to say this (or write it down), I also want you to remember the times I failed. The times I simply didn't have the patience, and the times I cried in frustration and confusion. Those nights when I was bleary eyed and desperate to get back in bed. The days when I would rather spend time on my computer or talking to a friend than playing with you. Those days when I missed special moments or refused to read you a story for the thirteenth time. Because honestly? Those times seem just as important as the good ones. Maybe they don't make me look as good, or help me feel as warm and fuzzy inside; nevertheless, I am certain they are shaping who both of us are and growing our understanding of Christ. As someone wise once told me, it is not until we realize how imperfect and sinful we are that we will realize our desperation for Christ. And it will not be until you recognize our complete inability to be the perfect parents that you will understand Jesus and His beautiful grace.
Happy Birthday my sweet Jayce-Face. I love you, daddy loves you, and most importantly, Jesus loves you!

Love,
Mommy

24 comments:

  1. That's such a sweet post!

    Happy Birthday Jayci!

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  2. This brought tears to my eyes! Beautiful :)

    Happy birthday sweet girl!

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  3. Ok, you did it. You made me cry! I have a two year old boy and as I read it I just felt "that love" pouring from my heart! God is pretty much amazing, huh?

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  4. This made me cry. She is such a beautiful baby. And you, Becca, are such a beautiful Mommy! so in love with your baby! So in love with your baby daddy! And so in love with Jesus. You inspire me!

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  5. So sweet and beautifully written, as always. Happy, Happy Birthday Jayci!

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  6. Yeesh - it's too early for teary eyes! :)

    Beautiful letter to a beautiful girl.

    I think you said what so many of us fee about our kids. And how they are given to us by God to teach us and grow us and mold us.

    I especially love the part about her being so easygoing because of her personality and because you drag her around to everything (that would be my kiddo too :)

    Thank you for sharing your little Jayci with us!

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  7. oh man, such a beautiful post! i missed it yesterday, but happy belated birthday, jayci!!

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  8. What a cutie! It goes by so fast doesn't it?

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  9. Such a sweet sweet post Becca. I love the part about the hard times being important too; that is sooo true. I have loved following your blog the past year of little Jayci's life; she's such a cutie!! Happy Birthday!!

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  10. Such a beautiful post! Children are definintely God's greatest blessing.

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  11. Happy Birthday to your sweet sweet baby girl. That was the best birthday post ever (wiping tears).

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  12. Becca-that was the best post I've read in a while! What a wonderful beautiful letter to Jayci...you said what I think us mothers think so many days yet cannot put into words.

    Jayci is amazingly blessed to have you in her life. What a special little girl!!!!!! Of course you're lucky too because she's just the coolest :)

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  13. This was the sweetest thing! Happy Birthday Jayci!

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  14. so my comment is totally not original BUT I have to reiterate what everyone else is saying!

    Super incredibly lovely sweet post for Jayci.

    Made me tear up and I am NOT an emotional person. Jayci will absolutely love reading this post when she is older

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  15. gorgeous ... words and pictures.
    love the pic of her on the wood floor in her tutu.
    beautiful.

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  16. Precious! Seems like just yesterday you had questions about what to do about her, um, not-so-fantastic sleep issues. Now look at that sweet girl! What a doll.

    You did it! You survived and THRIVED this first year. I'm proud of you, mama.

    Happy, happy birthday, Jayci!

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  17. How'd you get so wise after only one year in this job?

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  18. DARLING pictures of your precious angel!

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  19. Really great post. I love how you poured so much of your heart out in this letter to your daughter. It's beautiful and so well written. My favorite part is where you mention weaknesses and the wisdom that, " it is not until we realize how imperfect and sinful we are that we will realize our desperation for Christ". So perfect and so glad you shared this with us all.

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  20. Awww!! So sweet! It looks like a great 1st birthday!!! Love the tutu!!

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