For as long as I can remember, I have slept lightly. Not only do I have trouble falling asleep, tossing and turning for hours, but small sounds quickly rouse me from even my deepest slumber.
Before having Jayci, I heard that when you become a momma, you also become a light sleeper. Since I already slept so lightly, I had visions of being perfectly attuned to my babies every need, jumping out of bed at the least whimper to comfort and rock her.
Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), this was not the case for me. I have slept like a log as soon as my head hits the pillow every single night since becoming a mom. I used to lie awake tossing and turning because I simply could not turn my mind off. I would think about things, create to-do lists, redecorate rooms, or solve complicated math problems(ha right); anything but sleep. Now, clearly, I have no trouble turning my mind off. Even when it should probably remain on.
Yup, since having Jayci, I’ve slept like a baby (who came up with that analogy by the way – because my baby? She doesn’t sleep). Until, that is, last night. Last night was spent with a whole lot of wresting, tossing, turning, crying, and praying. Lots and lots of praying. Because yesterday, Adam and I went downtown and picked up some of the kids from the family I told y’all about. But y’all? Last night was one of my lowest points in ministry. I felt frustrated with lies and manipulations, overwhelmed with the depth of this family’s need, and saddened by the situation they’re in.
So we have a few kids for a few days. Big deal. The answer is always going to be YES when it comes to sharing our hearts and home with those in need; but the bigger question is restoration for the entire family, and how to humbly and prayerfully help lift them out of their situation. Because in times like these, times when I have less answers than I have kids sleeping in the other room, that I need most to rest in the Goodness and Gracious Mercy of the One who made them. The One who made me. Who equipped me. Who filled me and loved me so that I could love them. Who blessed me and provided for me so I could bless and provide for those less fortunate than me.
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."