Thursday, December 31, 2009

No Sleep. Need Coffee.

For as long as I can remember, I have slept lightly. Not only do I have trouble falling asleep, tossing and turning for hours, but small sounds quickly rouse me from even my deepest slumber.

Before having Jayci, I heard that when you become a momma, you also become a light sleeper. Since I already slept so lightly, I had visions of being perfectly attuned to my babies every need, jumping out of bed at the least whimper to comfort and rock her.

Unfortunately (or fortunately depending on how you look at it), this was not the case for me. I have slept like a log as soon as my head hits the pillow every single night since becoming a mom. I used to lie awake tossing and turning because I simply could not turn my mind off. I would think about things, create to-do lists, redecorate rooms, or solve complicated math problems(ha right); anything but sleep. Now, clearly, I have no trouble turning my mind off. Even when it should probably remain on.

Yup, since having Jayci, I’ve slept like a baby (who came up with that analogy by the way – because my baby? She doesn’t sleep). Until, that is, last night. Last night was spent with a whole lot of wresting, tossing, turning, crying, and praying. Lots and lots of praying. Because yesterday, Adam and I went downtown and picked up some of the kids from the family I told y’all about. But y’all? Last night was one of my lowest points in ministry. I felt frustrated with lies and manipulations, overwhelmed with the depth of this family’s need, and saddened by the situation they’re in.

So we have a few kids for a few days. Big deal. The answer is always going to be YES when it comes to sharing our hearts and home with those in need; but the bigger question is restoration for the entire family, and how to humbly and prayerfully help lift them out of their situation. Because in times like these, times when I have less answers than I have kids sleeping in the other room, that I need most to rest in the Goodness and Gracious Mercy of the One who made them. The One who made me. Who equipped me. Who filled me and loved me so that I could love them. Who blessed me and provided for me so I could bless and provide for those less fortunate than me.

"The Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners
and recovery of sight for the blind,
to release the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor."
-Luke 4:18-19

9 comments:

  1. You are an amazing woman who is allowing herself to be used in a mighty way by an amazing God. For whatever reason, as I read this post, all I can hear in my head is the words to the song "Days of Elijah" (don't know if you've ever heard Twila Paris' version, but it blows my socks off every time):

    Days Of Elijah

    These are the days of Elijah,
    Declaring the word of the Lord:
    And these are the days of Your servant Moses,
    Righteousness being restored.
    And though these are days of great trial,
    Of famine and darkness and sword,
    Still, we are the voice in the desert crying
    'Prepare ye the way of the Lord!'

    Behold He comes riding on the clouds,
    Shining like the sun at the trumpet call;
    Lift your voice, it's the year of jubilee,
    And out of Zion's hill salvation comes.

    These are the days of Ezekiel,
    The dry bones becoming as flesh;
    And these are the days of Your servant David,
    Rebuilding a temple of praise.
    These are the days of the harvest,
    The fields are as white in Your world,
    And we are the labourers in Your vineyard,
    Declaring the word of the Lord!

    There's no God like Jehovah.
    There's no God like Jehovah!

    Amen, and amen...
    Rest in Him, Becca... rest in Him..

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  2. Amen to PamD's comment.

    As I read your post, I couldn't help but think of what Jesus wrestled with as He walked on earth and saw our need.

    And how He saw that we needed much more than a roof over our heads and food in our mouths... how He looked beyond and saw a hunger for something more and a need for reconciliation to our Maker.

    How He saw how He could meet our eternal needs for the REST OF OUR LIVES - here and hereafter.

    Golly, He had to wrestle with the magnitude of it, don't you think? I do. Lies, manipulations, pride, taking credit, refusing help, excuses... all of those are the usual defenses when confronted with truth. When confronted with being His hands and His love. The world is not used to it. Even sometimes for those who call themselves His.

    Don't be disheartened... if not you, who? So thankful for your tender heart toward the things that He would have you do, and toward the people He would have you love.

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  3. He equips those He calls. He has given you what you need for this road that you travel, Becca, but it may be tucked away in a pocket somewhere. Rest assured, it is there.

    Praying for your wisdom and for handwriting on a billboard...

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  4. I can imagine its so hard in the ministry you're in to not carry the burden of those you are called to help.... But just remember to keep focused on the one who can lift those burdens.

    Love ya, girl!!! :)

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  5. You are fulfilling your purpose and although it may not be easy, it's yours and God will bless you with the abilities and strengths needed to persevere!

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  6. There really is no way to follow up these comments; you have some wise and encouraging readers.

    Praying for you. Know that.

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  7. Praying for you, friend! God is using you and Adam to do amazing things...even though it is tough! Those kids love y'all!

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  8. Oh, I am so sorry for the struggle this family is having. And I am so thankful you care. And you want to help. And you actually ARE helping. You are doing MORE than just saying you care. You are a blessing. A total blessing. I will pray for them. And I will pray for you.

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  9. God's Holy Spirit is on you.

    God has anointed you.

    To do what you and your husband do.

    You're taking the Good News to the poor. The down and out. To dysfunctional families.

    But it has to be hard. And sometimes, really hard.

    May God's favor be with you and your family as you continue to walk faithful to His calling in 2010.

    Sweet dreams.

    ReplyDelete

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