All of a sudden today, I got the most overwhelming sense of melancholy/panic/a whole bunch of other crazy emotions. . . It all started when a dear friend talked a little bit about her daughter turning 7 (SEVEN!) and posted some pictures of her when she was 18 months old . . . and I flat-panicked y'all. I mean, for serious, is Jayci really almost 18 months old? How did that even happen?
Don't you remember being in school and thinking: this week will literally NEVER end; I will never make it out of middle school; the clock must be broken because time has stopped and we will be sitting in sociology class for the rest of our lives.
I've switched from counting minutes and waiting for the bell, to watching days tumble past each other, weeks fly by in quick succession. I mean, is it seriously already MARCH? I swear yesterday is was 2009.
And the rapidity of time is making me panic. Jayci learns new things on a daily basis. She's growing so fast and changing so much. And I just don't want it to keep happening. I want her to stay little. I want to be able to keep holding her in my arms and rocking her to sleep (without being like the creepy mom in Love You Forever). I want her to always say 'gook' for book, and to toddle all the way across the room with her arms outstretched for a 'huk.' I want her to tell me she "wove" me every single day.
But mostly I don't want to miss today. I don't want to miss a moment of Jayci being almost 18 months old because I'm too busy looking at the horizon or watching the clock. I want to treasure my time with her. To play on the floor and build towers instead of checking my email one more time. To burn each moment into my mind and heart forever, so I will remember what she was like when she was 18 months old. So that one day, when she's seven, I can look at her and say: 'when you were 18 months old, you loved to play "peet-boo." Or "when you were 18 months old, you would play in the bath every second of the day if I'd let you."
So Jayci, for you, this post is a place where you can look and see the DELIGHT that you were (and still are) every single moment for me. I love you more than my jumbled words can ever convey.