Sunday, February 28, 2010

Yet Surprisingly, Upbeat.

All of a sudden today, I got the most overwhelming sense of melancholy/panic/a whole bunch of other crazy emotions. . . It all started when a dear friend talked a little bit about her daughter turning 7 (SEVEN!) and posted some pictures of her when she was 18 months old . . . and I flat-panicked y'all. I mean, for serious, is Jayci really almost 18 months old? How did that even happen?

Don't you remember being in school and thinking: this week will literally NEVER end; I will never make it out of middle school; the clock must be broken because time has stopped and we will be sitting in sociology class for the rest of our lives.

I've switched from counting minutes and waiting for the bell, to watching days tumble past each other, weeks fly by in quick succession. I mean, is it seriously already MARCH? I swear yesterday is was 2009.

And the rapidity of time is making me panic. Jayci learns new things on a daily basis. She's growing so fast and changing so much. And I just don't want it to keep happening. I want her to stay little. I want to be able to keep holding her in my arms and rocking her to sleep (without being like the creepy mom in Love You Forever). I want her to always say 'gook' for book, and to toddle all the way across the room with her arms outstretched for a 'huk.' I want her to tell me she "wove" me every single day.

But mostly I don't want to miss today. I don't want to miss a moment of Jayci being almost 18 months old because I'm too busy looking at the horizon or watching the clock. I want to treasure my time with her. To play on the floor and build towers instead of checking my email one more time. To burn each moment into my mind and heart forever, so I will remember what she was like when she was 18 months old. So that one day, when she's seven, I can look at her and say: 'when you were 18 months old, you loved to play "peet-boo." Or "when you were 18 months old, you would play in the bath every second of the day if I'd let you."

So Jayci, for you, this post is a place where you can look and see the DELIGHT that you were (and still are) every single moment for me. I love you more than my jumbled words can ever convey.

13 comments:

  1. Isn't being a Mom the most unbelievably hard yet utterly rewarding thing you have ever experienced. Your little girl is so very lucky to have such a wonderful Mommy!!!

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  2. I completely understand your panic feelings lol. Your little one is so adorable!!!

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  3. What a HUGE blessing it is to have a blog, Becca. I didn't have one when Adam was 18 months old, but I did keep a journal. I have 4 of them, in fact. And, I've already had one blog book printed up; I DON'T want to forget the special moments, the ones that MY mom let slip away in the backwash of "As the World Turns", "Let's Make a Deal", and fights over hair and clothes. Your pictures just get better and better, too; you are at pro level now, my friend. And please... don't EVER become the mom out of "Love You Forever"; that book has always creeped me out, even as Adam has always loved to hear me sing "I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." Which is, of course, true....
    hugs.... and yes, how IS it already March? HOW?????

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  4. yeah, "how to lose a guy in 10 days"! :) I totally can relate to the WHERE THE HECK DOES TIME GO feeling. I ALWAYS feel like that these days it seems. Hope you had a good weekend - now have a great week!

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  5. Now shoot...why do you have to make me cry! :) that is the sweetest! Yes...it sure goes fast :( How did my little Emily get to almost six already! It's definitely bittersweet...I want them to stay little forever, but I do love what each age brings. I wish I would've written those funny words down too when they were little...but Dan and I still laugh about some of the things they said! Cherish it for sure! It's not fair they grow up overnight!

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  6. you sound like me EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE, i catch myself saying to someone or even to myself 'They grow up WAY too fast'.

    when i was little i thought spraying my kittens with hairspray would make them stop growing and stay kittens forever. do you think we should hairspray our babies? i just might!

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  7. She is adorable! Those baby blues are amazing.

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  8. The days are long, but the years are short.

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  9. Oh, I have the biggest lump in my throat. I know that feeling and it's a killer. You're an incredible momma and do an awesome job delighting in that little stinker.

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  10. LOVE those pictures! Yes, capturing the moment is key, I think. This morning we took Annalyn to her new daycare - or, as we've been calling it, school. SCHOOL! It's a good thing I didn't hand her a backpack, because that image might have been the end of me. :)

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  11. It's so nice to know that you will always have posts like this to look back on isn't it? They do grow up too fast... Mine isn't even hear yet and I already get sad about how fast she'll grow!(of course I'm also insane!)

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  12. Sooo sweet! Your baby girl is so incredibly loved! I recently was reminded reading Ecclesiastes to be present for TODAY .... and you just reminded me of that again! Thanks, sweet, honest, amazing friend!!

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  13. I'm behind on seeing what my blog friends are up to lately. I just blogged about this very thing...only a few years down the road from you. I remember trying to hold on to every single baby moment and I'm still trying to hold on to every six-year old and nine-year old moment. I hope I never take one of them for granted, no matter how old my babies are.

    Even on the tough days, I try to remember to tell myself to soak it all in. Because it passes so quickly.

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