I don't know exactly what it is, but camp is just a little different for me so far this year. Adam has a new position as "program director," which isn't leaving him much time for me and Jayci, or for the kids and counselors. Maybe I'm just used to riding the coattails of his popularity, but I feel like no one likes me this year. I also KNOW that's not true, I'm just being insecure and stupid, but I feel like the old lady of camp! haha. When I started this job, it was just Adam and I newly married without a care in the world, I was fifteen pounds lighter, way less uptight, and I didn't have another human being I was responsible for, on top of working part time on website stuff AND trying to teach a photography class at camp, and get to know the kids and counselors. I'm just feeling overwhelmed and lonely, and am getting my feelings hurt easily.Luckily, I recognize that I'm in a dangerous/vulnerable place, and I am taking some time tonight to spend in prayer and with my Savior. Because there is, quite simply, nothing that can quiet my soul and refresh my spirit like spending time with Jesus.
(ps - I just realized that I should probably remember our theme this year, that JESUS is my BFF, and stop worrying so much about what everyone else thinks about me!)
I could have written this almost word for word tonight. Except replace "camp" with "new city, church, etc." I can tell God is working on me though because instead of letting the bitterness find a home I'm aware of how WRONG I am to think this way & I'm leaning on God's wisdom not my own. Hang in there! I know just how you're feeling, I really do! It can be so hard to feel totally plugged in when you're trying to take care of a little one & minister to the kids. God still has a plan to use you. It may be different this year, but it will still be great! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteBeen there before.. just wanted to encourage you to stay on that track..Jesus and HIS word is your only HOPE in overcoming man pleasing..yuck..its every hood missionary nightmare...praying for you...
ReplyDeleteremember you are not alone..Jesus is right there beside you the whole time.. :)
praying for you! so thankful Gods grace is new every morning! praying for some encouragement for you.
ReplyDeleteAwww hon I hate you are feeling that way! I know it can be overwhelming just having a kid around you have to be responsible for but add everything else on and I can't imagine! I love what you said at the end though - sounds like you are on the right track!
ReplyDeletepraying for you
ReplyDeleteI know exactly that "lonely" feeling when you are surrounded by people... but that is kinda ironic the theme of the year.. hmmm...
ReplyDeleteeveryone had their rough times when Satan hits us pretty hard.. take some quiet time and He'll remind you how awesome you are and what you're supposed to be doing. praying for you!!
ReplyDeleteJesus is YOUR BFF..that's all I can say to your post.
ReplyDeleteSo true! Great post!
Girl, I have experienced this on many occasions!! Quiet your spirit and go back to what you know and believe and the truth of his word. Love you!!!
ReplyDeleteI know far too well how you feel. Not at camp, but in other areas of my life I have definitely felt like the odd man out. It's hard feeling like you're the only one who doesn't fit in. But remember that the Lord is using right now, and that so much of what you're feeling is from Satan. You have such a beautiful spirit and the others there are blessed to have you. I'm praying for you girl :)
ReplyDeleteIt can be so hard to feel totally plugged in when you're trying to take care of a little one & minister to the kids
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