Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Moving Mountains

Yesterday I sent an email to some of our close friends asking for their prayers and explaining that Adam and I are really struggling right now. Every since I sent it, I've been feeling like I need to at least share a little bit here about the same thing. I kept trying to ignore it, because I prefer to keep things light and upbeat around here (not that I've been doing a great job of that recently, what with all the pity parties and throwing up and complaining about house stuff) . . . But I also realize that many of y'all have been faithful supporters of us and our ministry and what we're doing with our lives. And I know for a fact that some of y'all love to get on your knees and pray for other people - and I honestly can't think of anything we need more right now.

The truth is that it's really just more of the same. More waiting, more delays, more discouragement. But Adam and I have gotten to the place where it feels like one more time of pushing back the closing date by two weeks will literally be the death of us.  I realize it wont ACTUALLY be the death of us - but it sure feels like it will, because we've been spending far too long in survival mode, not connecting or sharing or thriving.

Right now, things are 100% beyond our control and there is nothing we can do to move the house process along, or make the numbers in our bank account somehow make sense . . . While we were chatting (ok maybe I was crying hormonally and Adam was chatting) about the situation before bed a few nights ago, Adam mentioned that it feels like we have been stripped of absolutely everything we might be tempted to rely on in any way, shape, or form.

It was in that moment that I realized we must be exactly where God wants us to be. Utter and complete dependence on Him. Granted, He sort of dragged me there kicking and screaming. But I nevertheless feel such relief and comfort in knowing that He is at work on our hearts and in our lives, even when everything seems like it's going to heck in a hand-basket. Quite honestly, it would be a dangerous thing for us to be starting a ministry and living in and loving a rough neighborhood if we thought we could do it on our own strength. Not to mention the fact that we would be sorely mistaken.

Don't get me wrong, it still feels like crap and I still feel a little bit like I just got a major beat down. And that's why I wanted to be vulnerable with y'all right now. If you have a chance and think about it, our family could use your prayers. For our house situation (for a mountain to move that seems a little immovable), for our family dynamics, for our hearts, for the fact that we're going to have to move twice in the next few weeks, for Jayci's stability in the midst of instability, for our new ministry, for the Lord to supernaturally provide financially (because as of right now, who knows how we're going to be able to actually close on this house -- I sure don't) . . . 

And as for me, I will rest in the TRUTH that "I can do everything through him who gives me strength" - even when I absolutely don't FEEL like I can make it through.

11 comments:

  1. I am going to pray on my knees for you tonight Becca. We serve a big God. A very big God.

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  2. You guys are absolutely in my prayers! I know that God provides in ways we cannot understand....I have experienced this and know you will too! What you guys are doing is so amazing and God will get you where you need to be! :)

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  3. will absolutely be praying for you. through God, ALL things are possible! more times than once, i have looked back and thanked Him for putting up obstacles and stumbling blocks on my plans. that doesn't mean i was thrilled about it at the time though ;)

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  4. This makes me so sad that y'all are hurting like this! I will continue to pray for y'all daily and I know that the Lord will provide!

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  5. Praying for you, sweet friend!!!!

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  6. Katie and I will be praying for you guys. Had an awesome time getting to know you a little more on Sunday and through looking at your blogs this morning. What an inspiration it is to see people giving their lives to the Gospel in such a holistic way and I look forward to seeing what God does in your lives even though I'll have to follow it from across the pond.

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  7. I was reading Hebrews 2:10 this week and it struck me that if God chose to make the author of our salvation perfect through suffering, then how much more do we need the trials to refine our hearts (and I'm speaking to myself here as well). In my sleepless nights and your emotional weariness, the Lord is working in our hearts to draw us closer to Him and you're right... He will give us the strength we need to persevere and even hope in Him.

    I think He does have you right where He wants you.

    He will provide, restore, strengthen, and encourage you- and redeem everything in the process.

    He's awesome like that.

    :)


    Your sister in Christ,
    Candace

    PS- This was a really really good post. No doubt your vulnerable honesty and great faith will reap a harvest and encourage many.

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  8. Well... I was signed into my husband's account, but "Jack" was actually "Candace" aka one of CPQ's friends.


    Just so you know who this crazy lady who has so much to say to you is. :)

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  9. Praying for you and Adam! Our God is faithful!

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  10. I prayed. I asked God to move ... that ... mountain.

    May He bless you and give you His perfect peace.

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  11. Hi Becca! I have absolutely no idea how I found your blog (maybe from A Long Way From the Theta House). Anyways, love your heart, love your ministry, love your openness. I don't know you in real life, but I did pray for you tonight.

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